Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
