This girl is more easily done than said...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
