i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just had sex on a roof
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
