In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
