I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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