He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
