I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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