my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
