I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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