just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
