We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
