please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
