remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
