I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is Oprah even human
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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