and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize