My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
