I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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