sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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