i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
