holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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