apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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