drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
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It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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