I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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