I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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