I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My bed smells like the plague
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
