I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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