Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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