The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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