I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
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traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
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omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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