You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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