K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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