True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
