Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
