then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
