i was rollin on her like bob the builder
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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