can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
