I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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