Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
