Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
