i just google imaged poop.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
