i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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