dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
