just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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