Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
