I CAN MOONWALK!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
