you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
