I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
