My room smells like vodka and shame
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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