I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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