She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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