i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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