i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
