Whod you bang
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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