i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
