Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize