we have officially lost it.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
