$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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