and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
