yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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