My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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