I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
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