I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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