I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She told me I should be a condom model.
did i walk over a car last night?
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i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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