It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
