According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
