think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just cropdusted the office
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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