I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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