What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
