he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
