I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
