therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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